AARGH!

What a day. Worked like crazy, had no lunch and went to a Flamingo gathering to celebrate the August/September birthdays that would be Jean and me (August) and Harlene (September). It was a perfect fall evening and we had such a good time, sitting out on HRH's beautiful deck overlooking the lake. It was a grand time, friends, love and laughter. It doesn't get much better than that.

Toward the end of the evening one of the women remarked that we all had so much to be grateful for and, while I know they have all had really hard life challenges, I just wasn't feeling very grateful. All I could think of is "Are you kidding? I should be grateful for:

- My son who got paralyzed at 21 and has been in constant pain for 15 years? Especially since I dropped the ball and wasn't a good advocate who could have protected him from a butcher surgeon who caused this.

- My darling, much loved daughter won't speak to me and I don't know why?

- Being out of work for at least 2 of the last 5 years, really more like 4 and now I have a job that only required a 70% pay cut?

- My much loved, minister husband, who left me when my son got paralyzed?

- Perhaps I should be grateful that he and the other woman waited a few years to marry so everyone could pretend they just fell in love long after they got divorced? Gag me.

I was feeling petty about my attitude, but then I arrived home to discover the cat had thrown up various places on my newly cleaned carpet and the toilet is backed up and I've been unsuccessful in unplugging it.

I am thankful for the girlies though.

Mom, pushing 90

Talked to my Mom today and we were discussing an upcoming family wedding in September. I asked her if she was going to Katie's wedding and she said she'd like to, but some folks thought it would be too much. I reminded her that such an adventure at her age will make a great story. Mother is a sucker for good material. I said I love to tell people that my mother had 13 kids and will be 90 in June. "Don't forget that I'm a size 12 too". I love it!

Waiver on Maturity

This was a term that came up in my recent studies. Not an actual real legal term, just a trick answer on one of my tests. I love it. My first husband definitely had this waiver and took it seriously. There's plenty of evidence to support that. It' more of a lifestyle choice and I believe it is very popular among men. I think women should give it more thought. It looks like an attractive option from my viewpoint.

Quotes that touch my heart

It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.
Rose Kennedy

Without being maudlin, this captures my experience of life. It comforts me. I'm not crazy, just scarred.

The wit and wisdom of my sister Fran

Not only am I the middle of the middle in my family, I'm also the middle of the six girls, a distinction I share with my twin Jean. But I digress. As the middle girls, Jean and I have a sister who is ten years older and one who is ten years young. Nice symmetry.

Fran, the senior sister, has many pithy little sayings that have helped me out of more than one spot.

• Relationships: "You are going to the bank for a quart of milk". Translation: you are asking for something your beloved simply doesn't have to give.
• On communion: "God wants his children to come to the table. Surely you don't think he picks out some of his children and tells them to go away?"
• Troubled times: "God never closes one door without opening another". This is my least favorite, while I agree that this might possibly be true, I caution her to watch out for all the shit in the hall.
  

Beauty in the Ozarks

The sun is out, the weather pleasant and not too muggy. One should just be aching to go outside and get things done. I have escaped that compulsion and wonder when it might be a good time for a nap. Pathways from reality relies heavily upon napping. Perhaps a short snooze will give me the opportunity to ideate. Remember when that wasn't a word?

Late to the party

I am number nine of 13 children. I have a twin sister who was born 13 hours before me so I guess that was the first party I was late to attend. I prefer to think she was premie and I went full term. Our mother thought it might have been fun to call us Ada and Nina. She then considered Andrea and Annette. I think that was a bullet dodged as I feel certain I would have been Annette. As it happened we were named Jean and Joan. Ding and Dong. I always thought her name, Jean Marie (Ding) was beautiful and ethereal, kind of a sky blue. On the other hand, Joan Margaret (Dong) was so solid, earthy, brown. It's not a bad name as an adult.

The other party I've missed is blogging. I've always meant to start a blog, but can't seem to decide what I might want to say. Will it be a cry of agony because you can't get to be 57 without suffering disappointment, rejection and a few tragedies, or will it be an opportunity to roll-out my Just for Women "Pathways From Reality" program. I've been thinking about it for several years now. I have a sister who always says she lives in the "real world"--like that's a good thing. Most of us do live in the real world and find reality to be highly over-rated. I'm not talking about a permanent retreat to fantasy land, families take such a dim view of psychosis, but let's face it, it would be a nice vacation spot.

I'll have to put more thought into this. I think I'll take a little side trip away from reality and see what we see. I'll keep you posted